annexednet | text;

experimenting is always good!
you can't know what you like and don't like until you try right?
if it was no fun, just don't try it again unless something changes and you think it'd be fun to try again

eh no shame in that, it's hard to see why other people might like something you don't sometimes

you get tingly down there from fighting?
I mean, me too, so I guess that's okay

I don't know what'd be fun to try in a theoretical second try.
I was kind of hoping I could just get instructions from TV and reenact that. That would've been a lot easier. And since those TV shows are written by people to appeal to a lot of other people, that means their ideas are probably worth trying, right? But it just didn't work.

I don't get it from other fights. Just with him.
Which is odd because we're in love or dating or anything like that.
I don't get how this works. I fight lots of people who are objectively more aesthetically pleasing and skilled in combat and don't feel anything at all. What is my subconscious' criteria for this?

I felt that way sometimes when Yunru and I would share a bed, but only for a little bit. Once she got up it sort of went away.
Our handlers say girls don't feel that way about girls forever, though. You grow out of it at some point. I guess I'm not very mature?

Edited 2022-12-17 21:23 (UTC)

nothin wrong with tryin things from the tv
and no shame in it not working either

so maybe you're demifightsexual then
you only get the tinglies from fighting someone you're attached to
neato

oh really! so you're into girls a little too?
nothin wrong with that either
and your handlers were totally wrong by the way
I'm 31 and I still think girls are hot

We thought we had a good plan going. And then we wouldn't have to ask any of the adults anything stupid. If it had worked, we would've been geniuses.

Maybe it's demiXueYuxuanAndLiYunrusexual. Nobody else does anything for me.
Everyone else seems to get that feeling from models and musicians and martial artists
but I just don't see it. I can see someone's aesthetically pleasing and skilled but that's it.

I'm pretty sure you're supposed to grow out of it.
Everyone says you grow out of it around your early twenties.
I'm just not there yet because I'm 15
and it's not all girls. Or even most girls.
So I think I'm growing out of it? It probably just takes time. I don't think EVERYONE is wrong about this, that seems unlikely. One or two people can be wrong but if everybody says it it's probably right

that's a shame
you should have adults you can ask about that sorta thing
you can ask me if you want, while we're here

maybe it is!
that's okay too ya know
but only bein into people you know and like already's called demisexual
so if you were that you wouldn't be getting tinglies from models or musicians or martial artists unless you knew and liked them

nope!
you totally don't!
it's called bein bi or lesbian
means you're just a girl who likes girls~
everyone can totally be wrong about a thing
s'called homophobia

I tried asking once but my handlers said I didn't need more information about that.
I can't have children with humans anyway so it's not as if I require that info
and since Xue Yuxuan is sterile he got told the same thing.

So there's a word for this?
Is it a disorder or something? Can I get it cured with a pill of some kind and become normal?

I think in order to be a lesbian you have to dress a certain way
and be in university and be an only child and, you know. Be human.
I'm mostly human but I'm one sixty-fourth alien. And not a species that does that, either. One of the ones that's just straight.

well you can have sex for reasons that aren't procreating you know!
just for fun, because it feels good
if you want to and have fun like that, I mean

it's not a disorder, it's totally normal and there is no cure
why'd you wanna cure it anyway, women are hot

you don't have to do or be any of those things to be a lesbian
you can wear makeup and heels and have long hair and still be a lesbian
or any other kind of woman too

one sixty-fourth alien doesn't make you immune to bisexuality

We're not supposed to do that. We're not legally adults.
I think they probably plan on talking to us about that as an option when we're older? But we have TV and people talk, so we all got some hints at the theoretical other reason to have sex regardless.
Then kissing didn't do anything for me and I kind of assumed either I was doing it wrong or this is one of those fiction-isn't-reality things where it's more fun for TV characters than people.

Because it's detrimental to the species. Both species, actually. If nobody reproduces that's how you end up like Japan with way too many old people and not enough young people to take care of them.
Also eventually when I get older I need to have kids with someone
You know, settle down, marry, have children, all of that stuff.
That's how aging works.

That's not what the ones on TV look like.

What's bisexuality?

that's fair
this stuff should be for when you're grown up so you can make wise choices and all that

you can be a lesbian and reproduce
science is real magical sometimes
just a little ivf and bing bang boom your pregos
or you can adopt, there's tons of kids no one wants

bisexuality is bein interested in romance with or gettin tinglies from men and women, and whatever else in between

Edited 2022-12-17 22:24 (UTC)

I mean, they let us kill people and own knives and the Xues get to use guns
This isn't a ton more serious than that, I think.

We're supposed to be making more part-alien kids so Earth's not all humans so humans will be a little more receptive to official first contact. Adopted kids don't do that.
And I don't know if IVF is available for lesbians in China but my gut instinct says no

Oh. I thought you either get into one or the other or if you're into both you outgrow it. That's what my handlers said.

okay so you gotta point there

ugh that's the worst
when your country won't let you reproduce

nope! your handlers were w r o n g o!

I think Xue Dandan gets tingly from killing people. I don't like her very much.
I know that probably sounds judgmental. But she's too into it.

I mean, even if it were allowed I'm pretty sure it's expensive, right? And I don't have much money.
So it's not really an option even if I wanted it to be.

I think Li Honghua outgrew it, though. She liked girls, but now she doesn't.
So some people outgrow it, right?
Or was she just mistaken and she never actually liked them?
This is so complicated. Maybe asking questions was a mistake.

well that's the thing, it gets all fuzzy when your kink hurts other people who don't wanna be hurt, or kills them or something
then it's not fair and tinglies aren't worth hurting other people
usually I only fight and kill people if they wanna fight and kill me though so maybe she's different

I guess it's expensive yeah
but it shouldn't be for lesbians they should get a special discount
gay guys too

some people maybe outgrow it? or they just decide to stop datin girls or something I dunno
can't speak to it cuz I never grew outta it
it's never a mistake to ask questions

She's the only one of us who's ever gotten in trouble for killing someone she wasn't supposed to.
They punish us very harshly for that kind of thing, but she just likes it that much.
I don't see the appeal. I guess maybe I don't understand "kink". But since I only learned the word today, that's not 100% on me. I'm learning.

I don't think anyone gets a discount in China tbh
It's not the kind of service that the government funds even though they're telling everyone to have two kids now. You're supposed to have them, but not in a way that costs the government money.

She stopped being interested in anybody after a while. I don't get it but I didn't ask questions. It's not a problem if she's not interested in anyone.
Personally I don't even know how to tell if I like someone unless we're sparring or have to share a bed bc it's too cold out for us not to. I don't know what I like or don't like or what I'll grow into or out of.
I might have to text you to ask more questions later. Is that okay?

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